He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
