Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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