were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
