You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
