I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize