im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
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Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
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He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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