shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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