I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
