So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
