Plan B is the new Plan A
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
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I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize