I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
