The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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