She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
