no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
