So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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