it was like his penis was on wheels.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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