I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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