hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
