i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need moral support for this bender
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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