She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
