He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
