My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
