i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy