Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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