Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
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