happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
