Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
