Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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