there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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