You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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