I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
