I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
