is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
