my sisters under your porch take her home
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
that may or may not have been my penis.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
