dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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