I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
