I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
