Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
