Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize