Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Jerry, you need to find god
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
