so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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