I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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