Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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