ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
