I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just want to make out with him forever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
