it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
