No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
