he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
