we have pet lesbian snakes
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
