Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She announced her abortion via fbk
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
