I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
