So drunk, too bad you don't want this
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
