I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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