i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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