what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
