omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize