im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Randomize
