I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
