the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
